Just a few days ago, one of my daughters said a mouthful in a sentence. This Christmas she isn’t giving her children gifts; she’s giving them memories. Pretty simple, yet illuminating. My daughter’s remark shouldn’t have been surprising to me; my daughter-in-law has always embraced this mindset and lived by it. She, most often, gifted her children, nieces and nephews adventures. More important, how we can all pass this idea on?
There have always been people who couldn’t buy lots of “Santa” presents for the loved ones on their list, and those who just chose not to give gifts that were merely materialistic. A decision to go a more organic route makes all of us realize that special moments are the very best remembered and, ultimately, the most cherished gifts.
It would seem the idea is, however, better delivered when the recipients are still children, more accepting of the idea, less distracted, and still crave time with significant adults. John Bradshaw was an American educator, counselor, author, and a noted and popular lecturer whose journey finally left him living what he wrote and lectured on. He made memorable imprints on those who heard him speak and gave people many tools to approach a healing life with. Very important, he often noted that children instinctively know that adults give their time to what they love and feel is important.
Because our time and attention are so consumed by so many other things we must do, often, we gift material items, and they have their place. That, also, doesn’t imply that cherished moments are never materialistic too; they are. Traveling to visit family members, going to an activity, on an excursion to a specific city, historical destination or taking a vacation together, are almost always an expense as well. They require purchases, of course, but it is, ultimately, the time spent together at those events that will create the memory, and that’s what matters most and is remembered best.
Events when family members bond always make children, even adult children, feel special. Yes, lunch in a big city together is always great, but the food is secondary to the undiluted lunch conversation, watching the skaters at Rockefeller Center together, investigating a museum, and laughing. Moreover, hot cocoa on Main Street, U.S.A., a local tree lighting ceremony, and making paper chains are just as rewarding.
For families who just love the outdoors, and even those who have limited resources, the possibilities are, actually, even greater. Hikes in the woods, bicycle excursions with a packed lunch, snowy riverbank walks, hunting rocks to paint, baking, or visiting local rail stations are hugely exciting for children. For families with older children, or of varying ages, camping is the ultimate pleasure and escape.
When those we love know that we are giving them our time and attention, and that we, ourselves, are enjoying the investment we are making in their lives, the outcome is almost always amazing, and is guaranteed to create a bonding experience with residual effects.
Initially, it’s sad to say, it may seem difficult, but nonetheless true, that older children may be a bit resistant. Once they’ve been molded by peer-pressure or covet the Tik-Tok lifestyle of the wannabees, they are harder to wrangle back to nature and the simple things. It also takes resolve for us to pull the plug on our children’s media and, as we mentioned this past Oct. 5, tremendous self-discipline and fortitude to give up our own addiction to technology.
To make tough things tougher, it’s difficult to get past our work, our social obligations, or our own sheer exhaustion to be creative and energetic enough to just do things with others. Whether we are playing Scrabble, putting in a vegetable garden, or taking a weekend drive to see the autumn foliage, we must discipline ourselves before we can reroute our children.
It may seem like a lot to dedicate one’s self to this, to bend the granite that is teen determination, or to pack up the pre-schoolers, but all of it is very much worth it.
There’s a wonderful French commercial that shows a dad dancing with his son, through the years, from willing toddler, to apathetic teen, to embarrassed young adult, always to the same song. Ultimately, the father gets a video-call from the son who is dancing, to the same song, with his own newborn. So, sure, initially, not everyone is willing to sail but, eventually, they’re very much on board.
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