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Opinion & Editorial

Stepping oh so lightly at a local garden party

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American garden parties are always delicate affairs.
There is no set protocol in terms of what to serve, what to drink, and, of course, what topics are off the table. However, there are some advantages to be had here insofar, as the events tend to be extemporaneous, which is nice. And, although, as a host, I usually prep some of my guests ahead of time, reminding them to avoid topics that are très fatigant, there is always the possibility of the conversation, like the flight of a bumblebee, landing on topics that are interesting to contemplate, if not au courant.

One such topic that made its way into our modest little backyard fete was whether girls outperform boys in the age-old contest of human intelligence.

I looked around the room quickly to see if any of the ladies were aghast at such a topic. No, exquisitely, they all managed to maintain their equanimity. They, as was appropriate, continued to enjoy their Grüner Veltliner and egg salad and offer the occasional modest observation and comment without feeling the need to make a forceful case.

Most offered polite anecdotal evidence. For example, the valedictorian at such and such high school was a girl, someone said. The students at graduate-level courses in chemical engineering at such and such a college were primarily women, another averred, etc.

On the other hand, some of the men were far more animated, even demanding rather vociferously that someone produce hard data. “What are the numbers?” And, in particular, what are the gender breakdowns at the top level of the most elite colleges: Harvard and Yale? My alma mater was conspicuously forgotten.

I did my best to try to ease us out of what might have been what could only be described as a titanic disaster for an ordinarily quiet garden party on a lazy afternoon in May in the somewhat reserved little town of Lumberville.

I have a thought I said, “Is it possible that with robots and AI (artificial intelligence), the whole topic will become moot.” I used the term advisedly, given that some of the guests were not only frequent visitors to the little impromptu bar I had set up but members of the bar as well.

“I mean,” I said rather sheepishly, “is it possible that the young boys in school know that the robots and ai will take over soon, and this is not a fight worth fighting, but the girls are still giving it the old college try.”

Everyone looked at me as if I had just eaten the last meatball at a party or worse. “Yikes,” I thought; perhaps I shouldn’t have said that.

When you are the host at a party, everyone knows that you are not there to lecture people on the impending technological doom around the corner.

But then something strange happened. Everyone went back to enjoying the food and talking about the river and pontoon boats and how it’s important to wear a life vest and that sort of thing.

The party was saved.

And then I realized, I wonder what one of those silly artificial intelligence robots would have done in such a crisis. It probably would have carried on talking about how robots are far more intelligent and more innovative than humans.

Well, that would not have worked. It wouldn’t have worked at all.

I don’t think we have that much to worry about from all of these ai robots if the goal in life is to have nice garden parties.


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