Have I done enough?

There’s nothing like unexpected time on our hands, alone, to make us wonder about life. Not too many of us get it. I remember soul-searching during childbirth; there was time and enlightenment there for sure. Still, even an innocent stomach pain can induce a review of our mortality. COVID’s toll, too, induced much introspection on our philosophies, priorities and personal trajectories.
Now, graduations still echo in our ears. We may have watched someone important to us walk into the future, entering college away from home or leaving home. This, too, may usher in a pondering of our life actions and our influence and presence in the lives of others, especially loved ones.
We’ve talked about “showing up for your life” here at Chatterbox before, and no one will ever know the meaning of life, that’s for sure. Still, it’s only human to question it, and ourselves, at some point, and we do so, periodically. We wonder, “what have I done? Did I do enough? Did I do the right things, and what is the legacy I leave behind?” Or, as Notre Dame’s famous Daniel (Rudy) Ruettiger was quoted as saying, in the film called, “Rudy,” “Have I done all I could?” (If you haven’t seen it, see it and have tissues handy).
We’ve talked, on a few occasions, about what an obituary says about a life, and the story of a hefty obit from years ago that left an indelible mark on me, personally. It was of a man whose written legacy bespoke of the material riches of his life and his ability to make money for various corporations. It mentioned some, but very little, of his family or any of the usual affiliations most people have in life. It was a summary of a kind that really makes one think about priorities.
Of course, the body of work we create in our professional life will always dip into our time as a private person. Our work can consume our days, but it has to be done, whether it’s work done outside the home, from home, for the home, homework, or housework. We understand that. Still, occasionally, we’re going to ponder our choices, and review our life and its footprint. We know we certainly can’t do it all. We know we can’t even do as much as we’d like to, but we do still ask the question. We’ll wonder not only if we’ve done the right things but if we’ve done enough. Perhaps, that lingering wonder was the only gift with a human touch left by that wealthy gentleman’s life.
Still, these are the questions we usually ask ourselves no matter what we do for a living or what kind of living we do in our lifetime. Tomorrow is always another day, but time slips by swiftly and soul searching is most often done through the rear view mirror.

Life is inexplicable. We’ve talked about the bits we pick up as we go, but we leave bits behind also, with whomever we interact, in all that we do, in the bustle of us also trying to “show up” for our life. We exist as people, family members, and citizens, while keeping family, work and social interaction in play, and we try to do it so as to enhance those lives we touch, but not impede them or overstep our boundaries. It’s tough to know where lacking stops and overstepping starts.
My “yoga” daughter says we must seek out the balance. That’s true. Seeking balance is imperative, but many of us question the balance we find. It’s something we may never reconcile in our lifetime. It’s like being that guy who spins plates on sticks, but we’re on roller skates … in the dark … wearing mittens.
Hindsight, that cursed and blessed thing we all eventually have to deal with, is the only sight in our lives that is truly 20/20. There are those, of course, who never look at it – so noted. However, most of us do spend time looking backwards, hoping it will improve our future choices and, then, more positively influence whatever we pass forward.
We’ve spoken about the actions we take, every day, with others, even strangers. It’s always right to do and say the right thing. It brings out the best in others, but more importantly, it brings out the best in us … and that, we can never doubt as being the right stuff, even if the amounts remain questionable.
… and this column’s title question remains unanswered.

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